Janet Reno

Janet Reno was the Clinton Administration's easy target gift to hack writers at Saturday Night Live and right wing nutjobs everywhere-- dude! she totally looks like a man! she probably is one. During her eight year reign of terror as the US Attorney General, she took her fight to prove her femininity across the country, burning women and children alive in Waco, Texas; murdering a woman and child in Ruby Ridge, Idaho; and stealing an adorable Cuban boy from his family in Reno's native Florida.

Holy god it's the Janet Reno Dance Party!

She was top cop by 1994, the year that President Clinton found it necessary to pass a strict new crime bill that guaranteed new prisons and funding for police to suppress a population that was getting poorer and more restless by the day. Her contributions of media-friendly stormtrooper tactics combined with modern TV shows like COPS and True Stories of the Highway Patrol served to remind the public of what would happen to them if they decided to turn off their TVs and take to the streets to protest things like wars, failing economies, and dismantling of the social welfare system. Way to go, Janet! John Ashcroft has some difficult pants to fill.


21 Jul 1938 Janet Reno born, Jackson Memorial Hospital, Miami FL.
1951 Sent abroad to school in Germany for a year.
1960 B.A., Chemistry, Cornell University.
Jun 1963 Graduates Harvard Law School.
Nov 1978 Elected Date County District Attorney.
1980 "Reno is to the black community what Hitler was to the Jews." Garth Reeves, publisher, Miami Times.
1980 "There is a growing consensus that her office is a source of humiliation to black people, and she has become a symbol of oppression to all of us." Jesse Jackson.
1988 During a candidatorial debate, opponent Jack Thompson hands Reno a slip of paper: "I, Janet Reno, am a homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual. If you do not respond then you will be deemed to have checked one of the first two boxes." To this, Reno crumples the paper. One of Thompson's campaign points was Reno's susceptibility to blackmail because of her (even now) indeterminate sexuality.
21 Dec 1992 Mother, Jane Wood Reno, dies.
11 Feb 1993 Bill Clinton appoints Reno the first female Attorney General of the United States.
1 Jan 1997 Janet Reno Dance Party on Saturday Night Live.
11 Feb 2002 "Some people have migraine headaches; other people get the flu. I faint every now and then." Newsweek
19 Jul 2002 Real life imitates fiction, with a *real* Janet Reno Dance Party, hosted at the Level in Miami Beach.
Nov 2002 Fails in her run for Governor of the State of Florida.

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