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Sex Dolls

Images courtesy of www.sextoy.com

Q: Ever wonder why adult bookstores don't display fully-inflated "realistic" love dolls modeled after porn stars?

A: Because in real life, they look ridiculous.

Stephanie Swift Love Doll

Vinyl rubber blow-up doll. Vagina and anus are made from a stretchy rubber material. The hole for the vagina is extremely small, with expectations that she'll be stretched and torn.

The vagina/anus area vibrates, controlled by a BP100 power pak which requires 4 AA batteries. Hands and feet separately molded to make them more realistic.

Her right hand is molded to hold something akin to your erection, and easily positioned in front of her mouth. Rotating tongue action.

Houston Love Doll

Vibrating and sucking jelly mouth. Soft pink vagina and anus made of a soft stretchy material called "senso".

Lifelike molded breasts. Less than 5 feet tall. Embedded vibrating bullet for extra sensations in the vagina and anus. Manual squeeze bulb.

Porn star Houston is said to resemble Bo Derek. Her adult films include Cum Junkies, Crotch Crunch, and Squat On My Twat.

Dyanna Lauren Fantasy Doll

Custom designed with tongue and deep throat for oral penetration, removable multi-speed vibrating egg, single pouch type vagina and anus. Doll is 5 feet tall. Personally signed and comes with a centerfold poster. 2 AA batteries.

Dyanna Lauren is a generic Penthouse performer who likes pizza and Al Pacino.

Consumer warning: This doll often springs a leak and loses air during the first inflation. The mouth is formed from hard plastic and can only accommodate a penis less than 1.25 inches wide.

Devon's Pleasure Doll

Life-size doll with "space age" vibrating and rotating pussy. Sensuous blonde horse hair.

Devon is a Vivid girl whose credits are not worth mentioning. She likes French fries and actor Brad Pitt.

The Aria Giovanni Love Doll

Lifelike ultra-soft realistic doll with "futurotic" vagina, anus, nipples and custom-fit noduled mouth. Near-seamless skin, full mannequin head, long flowing hair and voluptuous breasts. Movable arms with soft hands and painted fingernails. Slim waist and a firm ass.

"Sensually scented."

Two removable bullets for maximum stimulation. Doll is 5' 8" tall. Mouth is extremely tight and can only manage 2 fingers. Vagina and anus are stretchy, comfortably fitting a 6-inch long dong with a width of 1.5 inches.

Aria has never sucked cock on film, so this is the next best thing.

Florence from The Jeffersons

We really are moving on up. Who could ever forget Marla Gibbs' laser sharp, tart-tongued sass mouth of a maid? Sometimes it seemed like she and Mr. J would never see eye to eye.

Enjoy fucking her face all you want during Nick at Nite.

Chocolate-colored inflatable plastic. Three openings. Does not perform housekeeping on the weekends.

"Letha Weapon" Latex Doll

Heavy-duty latex construction with anus, vagina, and mouth opening. Soft brown hair, polished finger nails and toes, and huge tits. Often sold with two vibrating bullets, air pump, and repair kit.

Letha Weapon is famous for her enormous breasts, which are much larger than those available on this doll.

Her credits include Big Boobs in Buttsville.

Virtually Marilyn Star

Apparently, someone thought four-color printing might make Marilyn here look a little more realistic and loveable.

Her breasts are described as luscious and squeezable, and she comes dressed in red and black lingerie.

Three openings, all of which vibrate.

What a beauty.

Nina Hartley Love Doll

Molded face and honest approximation of Hartley's frame. Blue eyes and long, wavy blonde hair. Realistic vibrating vagina and anus also molded from Hartley.

Works great with Tush Push anal lubricant.

Consumer warning: this doll looks exactly like Nina Hartley.

John Holmes Doll

Features an eight inch vibrating penis rendered somewhat useless because it's flimsy and hollow.

John Holmes the porn star probably felt hollow inside.

Jill Kelly Love Doll

"Quality" mannequin head with open mouth which sucks and vibrates. Her vagina is removable for easy cleaning, made from super-soft "senso" material for a tight fit.

Total openings: three.

Jill Kelly claims she had the opportunity to fuck Bruce Willis one evening, but he had an attitude problem and she changed her mind.

Hustler Virtual Girl

Here's an ultra-realistic molded "cyberskin" squatting love doll with 3 entry points. Her face and hair are permanently made up. Pubic hair and fingernails. Soft, squeezy boobs.

Warning: she can only be used in the squatting position.

No-name brand love dolls are also available on the open market, and closer inspection yields the desire to discontinue further study.

Perfect 10

True to life realistic hands and feet. Ten wiggly fingers and ten toes with painted nails. Mannequin head with "gorgeous soft hair" and "sensuous penetrating eyes".

Vibrating tongue. Super "suction mouth" with large squeeze bulb for more accurate blowjob. Jumbo breasts and vibrating anus.

"Rock Hard" Doll

Here's a man who just won't stop lapping.

Rotating, vibrating deep penetrating tongue. Rotating dong and soft vibrating balls. Firm tight ass with opening.

Powered by the E-Z dial multi-speed BP100 Power Paks. 4 AA batteries.

She-Male Doll

Love doll with strong breasts and realistic vibrating cock.

This doll came with lumpy breasts. The left boob deflated within a few minutes.

And frankly, the dong isn't very secure. You might want to buy a female love doll and a realistic dong with a suction cup bottom, because that's all he/she really is. This reporter feels betrayed.

Cyberskin Blowjob Doll

Blow up doll with "cyberskin" blowjob mouth instead of the cyberskin vagina and anus.

Dream Girls: Greek Girl

Finally, someone on her knees with her ass in the air.

Head tilted sideways. Separate pouch-type vaginal and anal passages.

Mouth is formed from hard rubber which can only accommodate a penis less than 1.25 inches wide.

Fat Angry Mom Doll

Fuck this and then kill yourself.

Huge breasts, three openings.

Judy Doll

This is your standard novelty product, a garden-variety inflatable female party doll without genitalia.

Bring it to the high school pep rally in secret, then blow it up behind your back. Toss it into the crowd, and watch it bounce around over people's heads.

If someone heaves it onstage, the principal will end the rally.

Fatty Patty Doll

Fat? So!

Large and in charge.

Three colossal love holes. 4 feet 9 inches tall. 55 inch chest and a whopping 39 inch waist. Connected pouch-type vagina. Self esteem sold separately.

Shari Doll

Shari Lewis? Who knows.

Her vagina is described as "sweet as pie," and her mouth as "loving". Truthfully she looks and feels more like a blow-up Dalek.

The Perfect Date Doll

Indeed, she's three feet tall and her mouth is open.

Her head holds exactly one can of beer. Inset: man in underwear sits in reclining chair watching television. To his left is the Perfect Date Doll.

Black Male Vibrating Doll

This "super-hung black stud" has a realistic vibrating penis measuring 7 inches long and 4.5 inches in circumference.

Four feet, eleven inches tall.

My dick is so big, people be sayin' I got a big-ass dick!

The Gladiator

Russell Crowe never looked better. Inflatable vinyl male love doll with 7-inch vibrating penis and vibrating, rotating tongue.

Permanently open mouth. Pocket anal opening in rear. Cock is 7 inches long, 1.5 inches wide, and 5.25 in circumference. Requires 3 C batteries.

John Doll

Another standard novelty product, minus genitalia.

Zero openings.

Suitable for propping up in the cubicle of a co-worker you suspect is homosexual.

Alien Love Doll

"The invasion has begun," raves the advertiser's kit.

"Make love not war."

Stands 50 inches tall, has buzzing, bleeping open mouth.

Inflates when you blow into the alien dong area.

Luvin Lamb -White

See also: Shari Lewis.

One single opening in the rear.

Elsie the Inflatable Cow

Here's a dandy, inflatable cow who actually goes moo during sex.

One rear-entry opening. Spanish fly not required.

Erotic Blow-up Love Piggie

Inflatable pig which looks more like a trucking station's propane tank. One single rear-entry point.

Secret Beer Can Device

Discretion and convenience make this unit a must-have at picnics, parties and bus stops.

Pop a boner, then pop open a serious can of beat off.

Fleshlights

Pucker up, buttercup.

Images courtesy of www.sextoy.com