Although more properly called urolagnia, most people refer to this particular realm of sexual kink as "golden showers". As the name implies, the most common form such play takes is for one partner to urinate in such a way that the other partner can see and or feel the "golden shower" of urine.
Interestingly enough, many people regard golden showers as one of the most taboo of sexual acts, second only to sex play that specifically revolves around feces. That is, they find it even kinkier and "dirtier" than bondage, rape fantasies, cum swallowing, and/or sticking a vibrating dildo up a loved one's butt.
Given the fact that urinating is a wholly natural and necessary activity (i.e. not the product of vice or perversion) and the fact that urine itself is virtually sterile, this seems like a rather bizarre attitude. Of course most people don't realize just how clean the urine of a healthy individual really is (see Pissing). Add to this the fact that most people were raised to believe you shouldn't look at another person when they are peeing -- because you would either see or at least imagine their naked genitals. Genitals have to do with sex, and sex of course is very naughty indeed. As a result, getting involved with another person's peeing process can seem extremely "dirty". After all, we have moral dirtiness combined with hygienic dirtiness. Together they equal the ultimate taboo. (Beat out only by poopy sex, which is really an affront to the cleanliness, dignity, and decency that characterizes Good People everywhere.)
Inevitably, however, whenever people want to make sex a little spicier, they head right for the forbidden fruit. Getting pleasure from that which is naughty is a powerful act. From earliest childhood we accumulate a growing list of things that we want to do -- because they are pleasurable or interesting -- that we are expressly forbidden to do because they are messy, dangerous, annoying, unhealthy, or morally prohibited -- according to someone else, usually a parent, teacher, or older sibling.
But as you might have noticed, indulging in such pleasures can be a real high. While the specific blend of emotions varies from one person and situation to another, the underlying rush may stem from saying, "yes" to our authentic inner self. That is, on some level, we are doing what we really believed was right, before we were socially conditioned to feel shame and fear.
What draws many to sexual kink is precisely this inner encounter. That is, by dabbling in those activities or desires that were labeled as "bad", they can re-confront that desire or behavior from their current vantage point -- that is as a knowledgeable, confident adult -- and reassess the feelings and beliefs they have been dragging around from childhood. The desired outcome is typically to embrace the disowned self and to experience the release and wellbeing that comes with forgiving and accepting what was once feared and denied.
But often even as we feel the rush, feel the pleasure, we also feel barely repressed uncertainty, anxiety, and perhaps even shame. Unless we can truly change our belief structure and wholeheartedly believe that what we are doing is okay we will continue to be haunted by the judgments of others.
For some people, the shame is simply never overcome. And indulging in-- wallowing in -- the sense of shame and dirtiness becomes an end in itself. Such behaviors may provide a powerful, cathartic outlet for unresolved feelings. Or they may become part of a downward psychological spiral of personal degradation and destruction.
Of course, there are many people who engage in watersports with very little shame at all. Simply put, not everyone views pee as dirty and shameful. For some it is simply natural. And the sensations (visual and sensual) that it creates are normal and innocent. For such people, there is none of the heavy pathos and psychological drama outlined above. The goal is to become unencumbered by "silly" inhibitions so that they can more fully experience themselves in their sensual play.
But while most of us may readily acknowledge the innocent sensuality inherent in the warm, wet feeling of golden showers (and the playful curiosity that might be satisfied in finding out how someone else looks when they pee), we may find it harder to understand what all the fuss is really about. Sure it might be interesting to have a pissing contest with your lover while romping about in the shower. But a couple repetitions of this and then so what. Even the thrill of breaking social taboos, of overcoming inhibitions gets a bit blah after a while. So why the ongoing hubbub among pee fetishists?
Well, first there are certainly the reasons discussed above -- being "dirty" and "bad" and just getting stuck on the thrill of this. But some of the fascination may actually stem from the fact that many people never really get beyond the fantasizing stage. There are hundreds of websites out there that offer images and short films of girls peeing, being peed on, and subtly wetting their knickers. This kind of mental masturbation teases but never quite satisfies the libido the way full on, person to person exploration might. The unconscious issues which keep the fantasy highly charged may never get confronted and resolved.
But as true as all this seems to be, there is actually another reason why some people get very hooked on urine play -- there is a whole new dimensions of genital sensation that can typically only be awakened once pee phobia is chucked out the window.
First off, let's just acknowledge that a goodly number of men and women who won't "go down" on their partners might just get over themselves if they stopped thinking of the genitals as polluted by pee and not fit for the mouth. But more to the point is the fact that many women actually report heightened sexual sensitivity when they are sexually stimulated when their bladder is partly full. In fact, some sexologists recommend drinking extra fluid about 45 minutes before intercourse, simply to increase the woman's sensitivity during sex, especially during intercourse itself.
If you try this at home however -- and you certainly should -- you might just notice that:
a) this heightened sensitivity might just be a little too much (similar to how a man's penis can become uncomfortably sensitive for a brief period after he comes) for some women to enjoy more than fleetingly.
The reason this derailment (or possibly even some of the sense of over stimulation) occurs is probably due to the woman's anxiety around accidentally cutting loose all over her partner (and her mattress). If there were no anxiety, her attention could stay on her pleasure, and these new dimensions of sensation could be fully explored. So deeply engrained is this anxiety (as a hold-over from childhood)that it may even be difficult for the woman to consciously identify that she is feeling it (meaning, the feeling is there, but it has long ago faded into the wallpaper of the mind, becoming as nearly as unnoticeable as the urge to breathe).
Which brings us actually to the topic of female ejaculation. Debated for years, female ejaculation has at last been conclusively demonstrated to be a real phenomenon. However many women who are capable of the feat have trained themselves, unconsciously, to stop short of the kind of cunt wrenching orgasm that would cause them to squirt noticeable fluids. Reason? The fear that they are urinating during sex -- or will as least be perceived as urinating during sex.
Interestingly enough, among the traditional cultures of some South Pacific isles, there was a lot less concern over fluids released during sex. Consequently, men were well aware of the phenomenon of female ejaculation, and took apparent pride in stimulating a woman to such an orgasm. But of course if we typically made love outdoors in the woods or on the beach, we too might be a lot less uptight and a lot more knowledgeable about the sensual aspects of our bodily fluids.
Unfortunately, most of us feel less than neutral about our bodily fluids. Ejaculate is the guilty proof of naughty, naughty masturbation. And urine... Well, after our early childhood struggles with potting training and bed wetting, after waking up soaked in cold urine, smelling funny the next morning, and fretting about whether other people would tease and scold us we can hardly help but view urine as "icky". And for many of us, just "letting go" goes against all the unconscious impulses we so painstakingly built up!
And of course if all this past conditioning were not enough, there is the very real fact that pee stinks! Of course, fresh pee smell quite a bit better than stale (decaying) pee. And most of us would find our pee stank less if we just drank all the water -- 8 glasses per day -- we're supposed to be getting anyway. (But instead we ignore the body and substitute stink inducing, and incidentally less healthy, beverages like coffee!)
It may be interesting to note here that some researchers believe there is an hormonal element in urine that lends itself to sexual attraction. Meaning the subtle scent of your lover's pee might actually be an aphrodisiac. Or it might it didn't smell so raunchy after excess meat and coffee consumption (see Drinking Pee). Now at this point you may have kindled enough sexual curiousity about urolagnia to give it a try. So what to do about the stink! Well first off, start drinking more water. And secondly, experts recommend drinking plenty of fruit juice 45 minutes before engaging in sex play. The juice will not only dilute your urine, but can even give it a more pleasant odor. (Like you didn't have enough to worry about...)
Okay so now that your pee is fresh and tasty and socially presentable, let's talk about some fun ways to play. You and your partner might want to begin simply by watching each other pee. While you might feel most comfortable using the toilet or the shower, you could also spice things up a bit by doing it somewhere -- or in some way -- more forbidden. Try doing it outside. (For some, this might feel more "natural" than in the toilet.) Perhaps even in the cold snow or a warm, Spring rain. Pee on each other while swimming in the lake or ocean together. Order your lover to wet their pants while you watch.
Whatever you try, just be aware of public ordinances (i.e., don't get arrested). For example, never ever pee in a Singapore elevator. (They actually have special sensors to detect such actions.)
Even if you choose to skip these particular antics, you may want to try holding your urine back for a few hours, then letting go during orgasm (much easier for women than men). Do be sure however to plan ahead for this activity. You could certainly try doing in while standing up in the shower, or while lying in the bathtub (perhaps made more comfortable with thick towels). If you're shy, or no partner is available, try this technique first with masturbation. It can be easier to focus on your body's signals when you're not worrying about what somebody else thinks.
Once you have tried it out with a partner you may even want to sample one of the following, more formalized, sex games:
The woman lies on her back with legs apart. While his penis is flaccid or at least semi flaccid, the man kneels or stands between her thighs. He then pees forcefully onto her clitoris. Note that this game will be nearly impossible if the man has a full erection. Also, a better effect will be achieved if it is done when the woman is already highly aroused. Also, while the stream of urine will miss the clitoris if the woman is manually masturbating her clit at the same time, the couple could try inserting a vibrating dildo for added pleasure. This game could be adapted for lesbian sex, with some effort and concentration.
Log in the Amazon
The Fountain of Venus
Watering the Oak Tree
One further note about mess prevention: If you should choose to incorporate urine as part of domination games between you and your partner, it might be useful to know that holding one's urine too long can result in a nasty bladder infection, that it can be virtually impossible to pee when you are fully sexually engorged (male or female "hard on"), and that having an orgasm on a completely full bladder may be physically uncomfortable for at least some. Also, be aware that at least some of those adult diapers you see at the supermarket will fall off when suddenly loading with a full bladder's worth of urine. (They were designed to help those who have an occasional "leak".) If you've ordered your "bottom" to relieve herself only in her diapers while at work, she might be in for far more humiliation that either of you intended.
Finally, as with all forms of sexual contact, know your partner's health before contacting each other's bodily fluids. While it is not currently believed to carry HIV (but don't bet your life on it), urine is known to play host to other communicable diseases such as Hepatitis B -- check with your doctor for a full list.
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