Lyndon B. Johnson
- Named his penis Jumbo.
- Enjoyed watching movies of animals mating.
- If he had to take a shit while talking to you, and you weren't someone he needed to impress, would insist you accompany him to the shitter and continue the discussion uninterrupted.
- Had a twenty year affair with Alice Glass, an illegitimate child with another mistress, and numerous brief affairs as well. "He would screw anything that would crawl, basically. He was a horny old man."
- Member of Council on Foreign Relations.
- Got us hip deep into the Vietnam War.
- Stole his 1948 Senate election, had no qualms about it, and bragged about it afterwards.
- "I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket."
- "I want real loyalty. I want someone who will kiss my ass in Macy's window, and say it smells like roses."
- "He is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." About Gerald Ford.
- He's a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. Also about Gerald Ford.
- "I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad." About a Nixon speech.
- "C'mon Cheavens-- won't those fat little legs carry you any faster than that?" Shouted across a tarmac.
|27 Aug 1908
||Lyndon Baines Johnson born, Stonewall, TX.
|17 Nov 1934
||Married Lady Bird Taylor (Claudia Alta Taylor) in San Antonio TX. Cost of wedding ring: $2.50
||Elected to U.S. House, Texas 10th District.
|30 Oct 1937
||Entered Apprentice Degree in Johnson City Lodge No. 561, TX.
||Extramarital affair with Alice Glass, mistress and later the wife of Charles Edward Marsh. Lasts until 1960's.
||Extramarital affair with Madeleine Brown, which lasts until 1969.
||Elected to U.S. Senate, in a crooked election in which the margin is a mere 87 votes. Much later, Johnson exhibited to reporters privately a photograph of his aides alongside a stolen ballot box.
|27 Dec 1950
||Madeleine Brown gives birth to Johnson's illegitimate child, Steven Mark Brown. According to Madeleine, Lyndon made an arragement though attorney Jerome T. Ragsdale to support the child, $200/wk during pregnancy and $500/wk while growing up. This arrangement lasted 25 years.
|22 Nov 1963
||John F. Kennedy assassinated. Sworn into office as President aboard Air Force One.
|29 Nov 1963
||By executive order, President Lyndon B. Johnson creates the Warren Commission to investigate the Kennedy Assassination.
|24 Feb 1964
||Discloses the existence of the SR-71 Blackbird spy aircraft.
|24 Sep 1964
||The Warren Commission delivers its final report to President Lyndon B. Johnson.
|7 Oct 1964
||Walter W. Jenkins, chief White House aide and longtime friend of President Lyndon B. Johnson, is arrested for disorderly conduct two blocks from the White House. Jenkins was discovered in a YMCA pay toilet with another man. Ultimately, Jenkins is forced to resign, so as not to jeopardize Johnson's re-election campaign. Jenkins stated that during his arrest, his mind had been "befuddled by fatigue, alcohol, physical illness, and lack of food."
|21 Oct 1964
||"We are not about to send American boys nine or ten thousand miles away from home to do what Asian boys ought to be doing for themselves."
|31 Mar 1968
||LBJ announces he will not seek another term.
|22 Jan 1973
||Lyndon Baines Johnson dies of a heart attack while in flight aboard an aircraft, near Johnson City, TX. Buried at LBJ ranch.
||Steven Mark Brown files lawsuit against Lady Bird Johnson, claiming his portion of LBJ's estate.
||Steven Mark Brown disappears, after a period of harassment.
|28 Sep 1990
||Johnson's illegitimate son Steven Mark Brown dies of cancer.