Lyndon B. Johnson


  • Named his penis Jumbo.
  • Enjoyed watching movies of animals mating.
  • If he had to take a shit while talking to you, and you weren't someone he needed to impress, would insist you accompany him to the shitter and continue the discussion uninterrupted.
  • Had a twenty year affair with Alice Glass, an illegitimate child with another mistress, and numerous brief affairs as well. "He would screw anything that would crawl, basically. He was a horny old man."
  • Member of Council on Foreign Relations.
  • Got us hip deep into the Vietnam War.
  • Stole his 1948 Senate election, had no qualms about it, and bragged about it afterwards.


  • "I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket."
  • "I want real loyalty. I want someone who will kiss my ass in Macy's window, and say it smells like roses."
  • "He is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." About Gerald Ford.
  • He's a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. Also about Gerald Ford.
  • "I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad." About a Nixon speech.
  • "C'mon Cheavens-- won't those fat little legs carry you any faster than that?" Shouted across a tarmac.


27 Aug 1908 Lyndon Baines Johnson born, Stonewall, TX.
17 Nov 1934 Married Lady Bird Taylor (Claudia Alta Taylor) in San Antonio TX. Cost of wedding ring: $2.50
Nov 1936 Elected to U.S. House, Texas 10th District.
30 Oct 1937 Entered Apprentice Degree in Johnson City Lodge No. 561, TX.
c. 1940 Extramarital affair with Alice Glass, mistress and later the wife of Charles Edward Marsh. Lasts until 1960's.
1948 Extramarital affair with Madeleine Brown, which lasts until 1969.
Nov 1948 Elected to U.S. Senate, in a crooked election in which the margin is a mere 87 votes. Much later, Johnson exhibited to reporters privately a photograph of his aides alongside a stolen ballot box.
27 Dec 1950 Madeleine Brown gives birth to Johnson's illegitimate child, Steven Mark Brown. According to Madeleine, Lyndon made an arragement though attorney Jerome T. Ragsdale to support the child, $200/wk during pregnancy and $500/wk while growing up. This arrangement lasted 25 years.
22 Nov 1963 John F. Kennedy assassinated. Sworn into office as President aboard Air Force One.
29 Nov 1963 By executive order, President Lyndon B. Johnson creates the Warren Commission to investigate the Kennedy Assassination.
24 Feb 1964 Discloses the existence of the SR-71 Blackbird spy aircraft.
24 Sep 1964 The Warren Commission delivers its final report to President Lyndon B. Johnson.
7 Oct 1964 Walter W. Jenkins, chief White House aide and longtime friend of President Lyndon B. Johnson, is arrested for disorderly conduct two blocks from the White House. Jenkins was discovered in a YMCA pay toilet with another man. Ultimately, Jenkins is forced to resign, so as not to jeopardize Johnson's re-election campaign. Jenkins stated that during his arrest, his mind had been "befuddled by fatigue, alcohol, physical illness, and lack of food."
21 Oct 1964 "We are not about to send American boys nine or ten thousand miles away from home to do what Asian boys ought to be doing for themselves."
31 Mar 1968 LBJ announces he will not seek another term.
22 Jan 1973 Lyndon Baines Johnson dies of a heart attack while in flight aboard an aircraft, near Johnson City, TX. Buried at LBJ ranch.
Jun 1987 Steven Mark Brown files lawsuit against Lady Bird Johnson, claiming his portion of LBJ's estate.
1987 Steven Mark Brown disappears, after a period of harassment.
28 Sep 1990 Johnson's illegitimate son Steven Mark Brown dies of cancer.

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